Do not minimize yourself. As psychic 4's being strong and determined, the head of that dragon, it can make the 4's strength and determination, which as women can be a challenge, definitely an attractive energy. All sorts of greatness. Call in what you are looking for through meditation. 

Using alchemy, when you mix bleach and ammonia you get a bomb. So when you say you want a guy to be attractive, self-sufficient, intelligent, and you end up with that but what does that equal? So you think you’re ending up with someone who is strong and leading but they may be tired of being strong and leading, so when they see You are that way they ball up and let you do it. Maybe it’s what you are asking for in the alchemy, so are you looking back into your projection for someone who is strong and dependent, or someone that is stable and has room for growth and doesn’t feel like they know everything. 

When you see a pattern its most likely you.

Practice patience with yourself and others. When there’s a conflict it can wear down the person. 4's being more like the sun that why your day is Sunday, the sun is a leader, if your calling in two leaders, but there can only be one leader, is this what’s really needed?

Bringing in Enneology into your relationships can really help.